Monday, February 2, 2009

Farewell to an Old Friend

I said goodbye to an old friend this last weekend. We had been friends for 27 years. The relationship we had was a funny one. We weren't always on the best of terms. In fact, I often didn't know what to think of her. We had our arguments, our falling outs, our disagreements. After 27 years of an up and down relationship, I decided to finally end things. Right now it is hurting me too much to keep holding on. She lost my trust. I tried to regain it for her, but she kept giving me more and more reasons to keep it lost. The decision was a long time coming and I finally reached a breaking point. I am sure that I will still visit her every once in awhile, and many of my other friends are still friends with her, so I will still see her around, but it can never be the same between us. It will never be the same as it once was.

13 comments:

Michael said...

I wish you the best in your healing process.

Incognito_one said...

Thanks Coop. That means a lot.

Natalie said...

I think I'm missing something...

Incognito_one said...

Ask Taylor to read it. I think he will understand.

Lynz said...

sorry to hear this michael! i think this is something deeper than it appears but i also wish you good luck in your healing process

Natalie said...

Well, I have a hunch, but don't want to jump to any conclusions. I think it is something you talked about with Taylor and I often (and I'm not talking about girls you've dated!).

Incognito_one said...

Stick to your hunch. I believe you are on to something.

Taylor said...

Let's see 27 years....how old is Michael?...the "friend" was a "she"...

If you're no longer on speaking terms with your mother, we're no longer friends!!! OK, we can be, but I just think you should patch things up between you. She's your mother for Pete's sake! But you still should move out. Heck, buy a house! Get some room-mates to pay your mortgage. You're rich now, aren't you?

If on the off chance you aren't referring to your dear, sweet mother...perhaps I shouldn't make light of the situation?

Here's my not-making-light-of-the-situation response: Now that you've said farewell to that friend, don't go around saying farewell to any others.

Incognito_one said...

I'm not sure what friends you are referring to, but I can't think of any other friends that I plan on getting rid of.

Anonymous said...

Yes it is a sad realization once you find out the reality behind your friend and friendship. It hurts to know you were lied to, that your trust was used and abused and that all you have to show for it is the sadness of discovery and the peace that it's finally over and come to a resolved conclusion.

Hang in there my friend. You've got the courage and will to do what it takes to face things head on, and for this I am glad and proud to know you.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -Nietzsche

All the best you. -Chad

Anon said...

I hope you can reconcile your differences, for despite those, she still loves you. It's a painful way to go through life apart from your family, whether on talking terms or not. I know.

I miss the times when I talked with you into the night when something was on either of our minds. Those days are gone, and likely forever, even if we didn't censor our beliefs around each other. I do miss your friendship.

It matters not how straight the gate,How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley

Incognito_one said...

Thank you for your kind words Anon. I appreciate that you care.

I am sorry that you feel like you can't talk to me anymore. Although life has become pretty busy, I bet I could find time.

While you consider our former mutual friend a good person, I see her as having good and bad attributes. She has many levels to her, but I just couldn't remain close to her knowing what she was at the foundation. There is a real two-facedness about her. Some find out about that foundation and they decide to remain friends. They don't care. The surface-level association they have is good enough. While she can still be good for others to be around, she was poisoning my life. Her two-facedness was leading me to a point of breakdown. Cutting my ties with her has left me feeling mentally, and emotionally healthier. I no longer have to find a way to agree with her when I think she is wrong and I don't have to justify her contradictions and errors. I am finally at peace. If I had seen her foundation when I was younger, I would have broken our association long ago. So far, breaking my ties with her has it has turned out to be the best decision of my life.

To go back now would be to sacrifice my peace of mind and my integrity.

abo-bder said...


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